Discomfort vs. Learning : My first AIESEC Experience

It has been awhile since I posted my last blog. Oh well, here it goes…

Yesterday I went home from Antipolo , I attended the NLDC of AIESEC Phes. Before the whole conference, I was so excited due to the constant feedback coming from our EB but then on the first night I was actually disappointed due to the amenities (if I could only rate it with a -5 during our evaluation sessions, I would really do it!). The rooms were really small (we can’t move properly! They tried to fit four people in a room that could only accommodate 2 persons), the food sucks, and the water was dirty and would always run out. In addition to the situation, I’m claustrophobic and I had this wound in my right knee. So just imagine how uncomfortable it was for me to stay in such condition. I was thinking of going home on the second day but then I decided to give it a shot (I paid 3K+).

I must say, it was a right decision to give it another try. The whole conference was not perfect but then I learned a lot. I realized that leaders should be leaders no matter how awful the situation could be. Most of the time, it is about the learning and experience that you get that matters. I enjoyed every moment I was interacting with other people from other LCs plus the factor that my LC won the fluffy bear was an awesome add on.  I feel good that I didn’t give up even if I was actually experiencing so many discomforts already. This is my first conference for AIESEC and definitely this would not be the last.

My AIESEC experience would not end here. I will continue to grab the opportunity to add more enthusiasm to what AIESEC could offer to me.  

Physical Injury

Aww. When i saw this picture, I remembered you again. Is this how you feel every time I ignore you before? If yes, I'm sorry and I will try my best that it will never happen again... let me heal the brain effect that I caused.

Sorting out

I just finished fixing my room tonight. I must say, I have written so many papers for this semester and proudly I must congratulate myself for doing excellent for most of it. On the other hand, for the quizzes that I took, I really nailed most of it except for one quiz in Literature. That quiz was really frustrating since it was a surprised quiz and lucky me, I didn’t listen during the whole 3 hours discussion of the professor, thus, getting the price of an F. I know this blog post is really bizarre, I just wanted to pour out my thoughts and feelings upon seeing all the papers I have sorted tonight because looking back to all of brain wrecking requirements I have done this semester, I realized that there are a lot of potentials I could give and receive in my course. Maybe it’s time for me to focus and to fully love CA rather than rooting in shifting. Maybe at this point it is quite late already for me to take an action in shifting to Psychology; this is the right time to know that I could still pursue that course after finishing CA and that it will never be too late if the right time comes. In the first place, I love what we do in this course and this is what I wanted to take when I entered the university! No matter how tiring it is to produce shows, to do an advertising plan or to write several scripts, I must admit that I like what we did; I love what we did to all those course requirements!

Also, I grasped that I should stop over thinking everything and just go with the flow. Carpe Diem as they say. I just need to enjoy everything that we do and stop putting so much pressure in my shoulders because at the end of the day, I know that I give my best to everything I do. Every effort counts and it prevails, so I should stop bothering for too much perfection (but I must say perfection is nice… but not too much).

In conclusion, I must say that this semester has been really good (even if I didn't see my grades yet but I’m hoping for a good result). I was able to know who my real friends are, those whom I could trust and rely on for work, I discovered some of my potentials and most importantly, it gave me a clearer view of why I took up CA.

 The last three semesters would not be easy, it will never be, but knowing now why I wanted this course, I know it will give me the strength to go on and push myself beyond my limits rather than just staying in my comfort zones. This is where I started my journey and definitely I won’t give up until I finish it. 

Cheers to my paper outputs this semester, surely, you've made me smile tonight. :)

SEM BREAK!

SEM BREAK! SEM BREAK! SEM BREAK!

They say it is SEM BREAK already but i won't declare it unless I see my grades. HAHA  forever grade conscious. But actually i'm enjoying this bum life for a while since the week after I would be quite busy for organization activities. I don't know though if I could stand this situation since I won't be coming home and obviously I am stuck here in the apartment doing nothing but watching a few series, browsing facebook, tweeting, sleeping and eating; that is quite a productive routine huh? If I suddenly go crazy, i would go home to Tuguegarao without informing my parents. I will surprise them or should I say I will surprise my dad since my mom is not around . 

For now, I shall continue my crazy routine. I don't know how long will I stand but hoping that I will survive this week. I know I will! :)

P.S. Sorry for a crappy blog post. I just want to write something since I won't be talking to people for a week unless I buy something to eat. So obviously, I would be talking just because I'm buying food! haha

One Poem. Three Versions

Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.

 Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Kay iksi ng pag-ibig, pero bakit sadyang kay haba ng paglimot.

My Literature professor when i was in first year posted his Filipino translation of Pablo Neruda's Poema 20 on Facebook and suddenly nostalgia attacks. Actually, it was our lesson back then. I remember him showing the English translation and i really loved it! I actually like the context of the whole poem. It's really heartwarming, most especially for a girl like me who likes being emotional sometimes. Knowing that this poem was translated from Spanish (i learned a little bit of Spanish this semester) I tried to compare the three versions. 

Spanish Version: 

- I was actually delighted to know that I understood the poem since most of the words that the writer used were familiar to me. The words were actually taught in class, thus, helping me in appreciating the original version of the poem. I need to give an A+ to my professor in Spanish!

Filipino Version:

-One of my friends like this version, since according to her it has more emotions, plus you could feel more pain because of the language. Well, I agree with her. The words that my professor used were really heartbreaking compared to the English version but then it didn't give me the AHA feeling.

English Version:

- Among the three, this one is my favorite version! I could really feel how much the writer loved his lover and how painful it was when their relationship ended, thus, giving me a full idea on why the the poet wrote the poem. The right words were chosen by whoever translated it.

Anyway, Idk why i compared the three versions. When in fact, i should be reviewing for my Literature exams on Friday. Maybe I was amazed to understand a poem based from three versions of different languages. Plus, this poem was really one of my favorite!

And trust me, whatever version you would read... 


Puedo escribir los versos mas tristes esta noche... or

Tonight I can write the saddest lines... or

Maisusulat ko ngayong gabi...

You just need to think deeper and to read between the lines to fully appreciate the poem. :)

Spanish Effect?

"Pero ako lang talaga sa group namin yung mag-take ng Finals sa Spanish. HAHAHAHAHA. Noob me. #dimakagetover xD "

-Hindi ko alam pero na-bother talaga ako sa tweet na ito nung isa naming friend, lalo na dahil kilala ko siya bilang chill lang at hindi masyadong grade conscious. Napaisip nanaman tuloy ako - maganda nga ba yung pressure na ibinigay ng Spanish professor namin ngayong first semester? Oo, sinasabi kong pressure hindi dahil sa dami requirements, kung tutuusin hindi nga nagpapa-deberes (homework) yung professor pero pressure dahil agad niyang chinecheck ang mga papel namin tuwing may quiz (pati noong prelim exams) at inannoucne ang scores pero bago iyon kinokondisyon na kami na nais niyang "PERFECT" namin ang quiz. Alam mo yung feeling na dapat PERFECT ka dahil malaking kasalanan ang magkamali.  Hindi ako OA, iyan ang naririnig kong sinasabi ng mga classmate ko, kahit pa nga yung ibang section na handled niya yan ang sinasabi! Naalala ko  noong una kaming nagquiz, sabi nung professor napanaginipan niyang perfect kaming LAHAT. Natawa lang ako noon. 

Napapaisip talaga ako kung maganda nga bang strategy ito? Siguro maganda dahil "napipilitan" kaming mag-aral ng mabuti. Ngunit mukhang hindi rin dahil parang nagkakaroon ng psychological effect sa mga estudyante. Napansin ko kasing madalas paranoid ang iba kung hindi nila perfect yung exam. Ramdam mong nalulungkot sila kahit 2 or 3 mistakes lang naman ang nakuha nila. Weird. Over over sa pagka-GC ang dating tuloy sa akin. Oo!!! GC rin ako pero wala namang epektong ganyan sa akin! Nabobother tuloy ako dahil iba ang epekto nung strategy nung professor sa mga classmates ko. 

Maganda nga kaya ang ganitong estilo sa pagtuturo? Hindi ko alam. Ni hindi nga ako sigurado sa mga pinagsusulat ko ngayon. Ang alam ko lang gusto kong mailabas kung ano ang nasa isipan ko lalo na at interesado ako sa human behavior (oo, weird no?)

Siguro patuloy na lang akong mag-oobserve kung ano ang magiging epekto nito... pero sa tingin ko panandalian lang ito, hindi magtatagal ang Spanish effect na ito! 

Naiinis ako sa mundo!

Naiinis ako sa mundo! Naiinis ako kasi hindi niya kayang gumalaw man lang ng dahan dahan ayon sa kagustuhan ko. Ang daming problema kung kailan excited na ako dahil patapos na ang lahat. Patapos na ang paghihirap ko sa semester na ito. Pero bakit nga ba ako naiinis? Ayan, basahin mo para naman maintindihan mo ako!

Una, naiinis ako dahil hindi ko na alam mangyayari sa grade ko sa Lit. Ang ganda ng prelim grade ko, tapos ngayong finals.. hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari. :( Grade conscious? Oo na, sige ako na! Tska inaamin ko na rin...kasalanan ko. Kailangan kong bumawi. kailangan! kaya ko to, sigurado ako!

Pangalawa, naiinis ako sa advertising paper na ito. :( Nawawala kasi yung CEO namin. Masyado atang heartbroken. Oo, naiintindihan ko masakit at masaklap ang pinagdadaanan niya sa ngayon.. pero yung totoo ate? Konting tiis na lang o! Please lang mag-online ka na at tapusin na natin ang paghihirap sa subject na ito. Susuportahan kita sa pag-iyak buong sembreak, gawin lang natin ito!

Pangatlo, naiinis ako dahil kailangan kong pumila sa registrar para kunin ang test permit ko! Yung totoo? Bakit bigla nila binabago ang proseso na wala man lang abiso sa amin? Ayos naman yung proseso na yung class president ang kumuha sa dean's office a! E paano ba yan? Dagdag pa kami sa aasikasuhun sa registrar! Dagdag pa ito sa trabaho na kailangan alalahanin! Dagdag pa ito sa stress na nararamdaman ko!!! Pero ang pinakakinaaasaran ko rito, bigla bigla na lang ang announcement na ito? AS IN BIGLAAN! So ayan, biglaan din ang pagtaas ng blood pressure ko.

Pang-apat, naiinis ako dahil may chance na magfinal exam pa kami sa SocioComm. Eh yung totoo? nakondisyon ko na ang sarili kong walang exam doon dahil meron kaming documentary. Ang masaklap pa diyan, ako ang EP ng documentary na ito. So paano kung nag-exam kami? Kasalanan ko ba? Pero ako ay nananalangin na sana hindi. Sana magustuhan ni Ma'am ang documentary namin at marinig ko ang mga katagang, "O, very good! Di na kayo mag-eexam"

Panghuli sa lahat, naiinis ako dahil sa  CA Reshuffling issue na iyan. Sa totoo lang okay naman ako sa ideya e. Pero nakakainis lang na hindi kami kinakausap ng matino. Liberal Arts nga ang tawag sa faculty namin diba? Pero ang dating sa akin nakatali na kami sa isang bagay na hindi man lang pinaalam sa amin. Parang pina-sign kami sa isang kontrata kahit hindi namin alam kung ano ang nilalaman nito dahil ayaw na bigyan ng pagkakataon na basahin pa ito. Kaya ayan, nalulungkot ang lahat. Magdala o magsuot daw ng kahit anong may RED na kulay. Sabi ng ilan, magRED LIPSTICK na lang daw sila, siguro makikigaya na lang ako doon dahil sa tingin ko naman okay iyon *okay okay, aaminin ko mahilig kasi ako sa lipstick kaya natuwa ako sa ideya na iyon he he*

Yun lang.

At dahil nasabi ko na ang lahat ng gusto ko... sige ipakulong na ninyo ako.

Nababaliw na ba ako?

Ang alam ko dapat nag-aaral ako. Lalo na kailangan kong bumawi dahil ang baba ng huling quiz ko kay Bunraku pero heto ako nagsusulat nanaman kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sayo. Uulitin ko, hindi kita mahal, dakilang masyado lang akong concerned sayo. Siguro kung mababasa mo ito pagtatawanan mo ako at sasabihing, "Okay ka lang?" may kasama pang sarcasm...sure ako! 

Sa ngayon, hayaan mo na lang muna ako. Hayaan mo na lang akong mag-emote kahit na hindi naman dapat. Siguro nga masyado akong baliw, masyado akong nag-isip isip tungkol sa sitwasyon na ito. Pero anong magagawa ko? Eh una pa lang napahanga mo na ako. 

Binalikan ko ang post ko sa posterous tungkol sayo... hindi ko alam na iyon pala ang nararamdaman ko noong mga panahon na iyon...

Just Friends I can't remember how it started. Maybe i just really like a man like you. Yes, i'm using the word "MAN" because i don't think boy or guy would fit. At this moment, i am so scared. After that Psychology exam i took and discovered that I could make guys feel that I like them more than just friends, to the point that they would think that i LOVE them, i started to feel that i should distance myself. I am afraid of the things that i could i make you feel and interpret. I want to tell you that, "Hey, I'm not inlove" I don't even think I am. Maybe i just admire you, i admire you too much.And besides, I have this tendency to be sweet, really sweet to the people around me. It is normal for me to make them feel special, to say thank you a thousand times and give something as a sign of gratitude. Please don't think that I am weird. A crazy teenage girl who's lured by her emotions because i'm sure i'm not. But for the sake of our situation, then fine, i would stop being friendly and just act as if we just met. Oh yes, I need to remind myself all the time that there is a boundary and I need to draw a wider gap now.  Starting next week I will change the way i act when you're around, so don't even wonder why because the answer is vague and i would only continue feeling uncomfortble when you're near or far. (http://mayyengm.posterous.com/just-friends) 

Gusto ko pa lang maging magkaibigan tayo. Yung tipong close na close at pwede kong sabihin ang lahat sayo. Pero mukhang hindi naman pwede at kahit kailan hindi mangyayari. Kaya nevermind yan ang sabi ng utak ko. 

Sana pagkatapos ng lahat ng ito, babalikan ko na lang lahat ng posts ko dito. At sana sabay na tayong tatawa sa kabaliwan kong ito. Pero ang tanong, nababaliw na nga ba ako?

Just Try

"Idk. Badtrip lang that he could control everything... Especially your feelings" -Ate Nica

Wow. That certainly sucks! Fine, he really controls how I feel. I get affected and paranoid all the time. How can i even defend myself? This is so unfair! This is really crazy. You're driving me crazy. 

Please, please... stop acting like a damn cold shit.

I don't want to decide based on my impulse but as of now I need a prevention and a little cure. I can't let you control the whole of me. 

But hey listen... here's a little advice, "We should not always judge the person on his actions, but his intentions and reasons behind it."


Try asking me why i did those things and maybe you'll understand me better and make everything alright... reach out.. please just try!


x